Damon's Little Tune-Up

Not that I want too many days like today in my life, but I guess it went okay for what it was.

Since I was a kid, I've had a pretty big cyst on my head. Never caused any trouble, just minded its own "cysty" little business. Barbers have noticed it for decades, and always thought they were unveiling some heretofore unknown, mystical, cystical newsworthy event. "Hey buddy, did you know you got a big bump on your head?" "Why, no Sherlock! Thanks for discovering it for me. I've never actually combed, washed, brushed, moussed, towel-dried or TOUCHED my own hair, so how would I have ever known without you!!!!!" Actually, that's the INNER monologue. The actual response is usually more along the "Yeah" lines, which simply doesn't sound as funny or creative.

But there I sat today, in the office of a PLASTIC SURGEON (you should see my new boobs!) After pin-sticking my scalp about 6 times to numb things up a bit, he started carving into my scalp, digging for gold,.........or a puss sac, whichever. Amazingly, no real pain at all, but I got totally weirded out by the sound of a scalpel SCRAPING MY SKULL!! Freaky-deaky is a term designed for such occassions! All's well that ends well, though, and when he asked me at the end of the procedure if I'd "like to take a look at the culprit", I stupidly said "sure".

IT LOOKED LIKE A BLOODY PEANUT M & M WITH A TAIL!!!!!!!! EEEEEEWWWWW!!!

Did I mention that I was flossing yesterday and popped a filling out? (Funny slip of the keyboard, as I originally typed "pooped" instead of "popped" on the 1st try. That woulda stung!) Point is, I'm walking the dogs while we had an open house and decide in my boredom to floss my teeth. Why I was punished for this responsible behavior is beyond me, but I was.

So, hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to the dentist I go about an hour after leaving the plastic surgeon, with my brand new boobs tantalizingly bobbing along in front of me (PLEASE realize I'm kidding!)

Another 45 minutes in the dentist chair, a few shots of novocaine, a new filling, $400 in out-of-pocket expenses, and I was off to pick up prescriptions for pain killers and antibiotics. Next week, it's time to schedule an appointment for new contacts and glasses, but I'm glad the tune-up is done for now. Colonoscopies are gonna have to wait for awhile!!

The Cedar "Pointer Sisters"

Rollercoasters are a bit of a marker in my life.

-As a little kid I wasn't allowed to ride because, as everyone knows, I would die.

-A bit older, and the rush of the wind across my virgin rollercoaster hair allowed me the thrills of my first exciting coaster at King's Island,....THE SCOOBY DOO!!!

-Teenage life brought me great ride memories that included trips with friends and school groups to Kings Island, the Delaware County Fair, and Santa Claus Land (yes, a REAL place for many years)

-College Damon became the rollercoaster expert as I worked in lots of amusement parks as a photographer and Papa Berenstein Bear (Cedar Point, Opryland, Six Flags in St Louis and Atlanta, Magic Mountain, and Sea World). There wasn't a coaster I wouldn't go on or thrill ride I wouldn't stare in the face and yell a defiant primal scream.

-Married Damon took the wife and little kids on the mini-coasters to introduce M & M to the joys I loved.

-Nowadays, I'm cautious, middle-aged Mr. Brown. Willing to still reclaim fleeting moments of youth, but afraid of what might happen if a loose bolt catapults us to our death as we ride. Still able to do it, but with a slight increase in nausea with each passing year.

Yesterday was one of those days. I took my gorgeous girls on a two-day trip to Cedar Point. The first night spent in Lima, where we had a wonderful evening of frisbee, basketball, trail walking, Cracker Barrel and "So You Think You Can Dance" audition watching. The next day found us at my old stomping grounds of Cedar Point, where I've faithfully brought my girls for about 8 years now for a complete daddy-daughter getaway that we all treasure.

Proudly I proclaim to all that I successfully rode, without vomiting, four large rollercoasters. Millineum Force, Magnum, Wildcat, and the Maverick all fell victim to my courage, and we had a ball. Morgan took her first ride on the Top Thrill Dragster, while Madeline and I debated over how much money it would take for us to ride it with her (I decided on $50,000, so if any of you want to ante-up,...I'm just sayin'). 126 mph and the height of a 40-story building, with a 90 degree fall over over 300 feet,.......I just threw up in my mouth a little, sorry!

Cobb's Drive-In provided slushies with gummy worms and 32-ounce root beer floats for the drive home, $5 was lost on basketball shooting, walking tacos were devoured, dippin' dots munched on, and I can look back on a wonderful, albeit too short trip with the 2 coolest teenage girls in the world! Hope I can do it again in a year, but first I gotta let my stomach calm down just a bit.