Damon's Little Tune-Up

Not that I want too many days like today in my life, but I guess it went okay for what it was.

Since I was a kid, I've had a pretty big cyst on my head. Never caused any trouble, just minded its own "cysty" little business. Barbers have noticed it for decades, and always thought they were unveiling some heretofore unknown, mystical, cystical newsworthy event. "Hey buddy, did you know you got a big bump on your head?" "Why, no Sherlock! Thanks for discovering it for me. I've never actually combed, washed, brushed, moussed, towel-dried or TOUCHED my own hair, so how would I have ever known without you!!!!!" Actually, that's the INNER monologue. The actual response is usually more along the "Yeah" lines, which simply doesn't sound as funny or creative.

But there I sat today, in the office of a PLASTIC SURGEON (you should see my new boobs!) After pin-sticking my scalp about 6 times to numb things up a bit, he started carving into my scalp, digging for gold,.........or a puss sac, whichever. Amazingly, no real pain at all, but I got totally weirded out by the sound of a scalpel SCRAPING MY SKULL!! Freaky-deaky is a term designed for such occassions! All's well that ends well, though, and when he asked me at the end of the procedure if I'd "like to take a look at the culprit", I stupidly said "sure".

IT LOOKED LIKE A BLOODY PEANUT M & M WITH A TAIL!!!!!!!! EEEEEEWWWWW!!!

Did I mention that I was flossing yesterday and popped a filling out? (Funny slip of the keyboard, as I originally typed "pooped" instead of "popped" on the 1st try. That woulda stung!) Point is, I'm walking the dogs while we had an open house and decide in my boredom to floss my teeth. Why I was punished for this responsible behavior is beyond me, but I was.

So, hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to the dentist I go about an hour after leaving the plastic surgeon, with my brand new boobs tantalizingly bobbing along in front of me (PLEASE realize I'm kidding!)

Another 45 minutes in the dentist chair, a few shots of novocaine, a new filling, $400 in out-of-pocket expenses, and I was off to pick up prescriptions for pain killers and antibiotics. Next week, it's time to schedule an appointment for new contacts and glasses, but I'm glad the tune-up is done for now. Colonoscopies are gonna have to wait for awhile!!