done

There were a few tears, a little pausing to make the moment last, and hugs that seemed to want to keep holding on without letting go. My baby,....my first child,.....my princess,.....has been dropped off and surrendered to the care and loving arms of California Baptist University. I've been steeling myself for this cord to be cut for a couple years, but just like when a relative dies after a bought with a terminal illness, you can never be fully prepared for the goodbye. The preparation helps with the logic, but not with the hurt.

I'm so blessed that my youngest daughter still has 3 more years at home before a similar, albeit distinct, pilgrimage will take place. Independence will be grudgingly granted. An alcoholic surrendering the last precious bottle they've kept hidden from the world. Knowing it has to be done,....needs to be done, but hating every moment of the surrender as it occurs. Fully aware of the beautiful life spreading it's wings and flying with newfound freedom away from the comfort of the nest, but wishing it didn't have to be that way. God's logic. God's pattern. God's challenge to every parent. "Did you raise them right, my son? Well, let's see."

There was a final glorious day for the 4 of us today. Newport Beach, Crystal Cove Park. Hiking, tidepools, laughter, Peet's Coffee, a picnic on the beach, and Pinkberry. We bought an ethernet cable, met her sweet and spunky roommate Cece (who seems to be a very together young lady), and bought them supper at Cheesecake Factory. At some point I became numb. Maybe numb is the wrong word, as numb isn't accompanied by nausea, sadness and loss. Numb is numb, and I suppose in hindsight, this wasn't it.

She's had an amazing music camp, practicing just south of 30 hours in 3 days, and learning more than 20 songs in that time. She's made friends and already started to fit in, as I knew she would. Thankfully, she was also picked from many auditionees, to be in a small feature group named "Joy!" that travels to churches across southern California performing. She's developed the beginnings of a new rhythm to her life on the west coast, and I know she's gonna excel magnificently. This knowledge both pleases and hurts at the same time. Is that strange, or normal?

There will be millions more memories with her, God willing. Memories of saying prayers before bed and playing frisbee with the dogs. Memories of frozen yogurt, car sing-a-longs, pointless family laughter, vacations, board games, and trials. Memories of standing next to her singing in church, and watching with unabashed pride as she lifts her voice to the heavens in her new choir.

But today was goodbye to the way we've known her up until now. Our girl is now our lady. Our baby is now our adult. She who once depended on us for every morsel of her life now is starting a life of her own. It is right. It is normal. It is what should be happening. But dear God, it still hurts.